- Dirka: [Fist and Dirka are lying on a couch daydreaming about Kenny] Kenny makes us work so hard...
- Fist de Grooke: I've never felt so good.
- Dirka: What do you think his penis looks like?
- Fist de Grooke: I think it's very big.
- Dirka: Do you think he uses a pump?
- Fist de Grooke: What?
- Dirka: I read that somewhere.
- Fist de Grooke: I think he uses his fingers.
- Dirka, Fist de Grooke: [simultaneously] Mmmmmm...
- Fist de Grooke: Do you think he uses a pump? I heard about that.
- Dirka: I think he can use his fingers.
- [Kenny's 16 year-old girlfriend Harriet is on the phone]
- Harriet: He's on the twelfth chapter. I read the first eleven and it's a MASTERPIECE. It's like Walter Scott meets the Horse Whisperer. Yeah. Are you going clubbing next weekend?
- Kenny McLeod: Harriet, maybe it's not working out, this living together.
- Harriet: What are you talking about?
- Kenny McLeod: Well, there's not a lot of space here and with me working at home and all...
- Harriet: Are you dumping me?
- Kenny McLeod: No, I'm just saying I don't think we should live together.
- Harriet: My God. This is extraordinary. We're having our first row, and you're dumping me. You bastard! How dare you abuse me like this, Kenny McLeod you misogynistic brute! Women born after 1985 don't put up with this sort of shit! Ever!
- Jean Pettengill: Oh, that's my other news. I'm getting married.
- Clare Pettengill: Oh, I didn't realize you were seeing anyone.
- Jean Pettengill: I'm not. It's just a visa thing.
- Clare Pettengill: What? Oh, just ignore those letters.
- Lachlan Glendenning: She talks about you in her sleep, you know Kenny.
- Kenny McLeod: Does she?
- Clare Pettengill: Do I? What do I say?
- Lachlan Glendenning: Kenny... Kenny... Kennykins...
- Lachlan Glendenning: So you liked my installation?
- [Fist nods and smiles]
- Lachlan Glendenning: [Long pause] Why?
- Clare Pettengill: [after reading "The Little Engine that Could"] Barney, did you think that little engine was going to make it up that mountain?
- Barney Glendenning: Mm. Yes, I did, Clare. After all, 'tis an American book.
- Clare Pettengill: Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
- Jean Pettengill: Do you fancy a cup of fuck off?
- Dirka: Is there any food?
- Fist de Grooke: Dirka, don't let the doctors win!
- Dirka: I'm hungry!
- Fist de Grooke: So?
- Jean Pettengill: Hang on, isn't she pregnant?
- Fist de Grooke: Pregnant doesn't mean fat.
- Jean Pettengill: Yeah it does.
- Clare Pettengill: [while having a Don Quixote themed dream about her and Kenny but instead of dialogue, there is only porn sounds and Clare starts talking in her sleep] Where are the subtitles? I can't see the subtitles.
- Lachlan Glendenning: Clare? Do you want to have sex?
- Jean Pettengill: [hearing how Miles is talking about his teenage daughter] Are you a little weird, Miles?
- Jean Pettengill: Okay, what we just heard was a bottle of Jim Beam - a present for you in fact. Now my wardrobe such as it is will have that special whiff of sour match whiskey.
- Clare Pettengill: Everybody smells like that here in Glasgow.
- Jean Pettengill: Do you know what your spine is telling you, Lachlan?
- Lachlan Glendenning: Bad Lachlan.
- Fist de Grooke: Were you talking about the Book Group before the Book Group? I don't think we should talk about the Book Group before the Book Group, it's cheating!
- Singer: Sometimes it's written just the way that you said/ in a book that I read.
- Fist de Grooke: [Diving Bell and the Butterfly] As long as you've got a good mind, that's what matters. I hope he was happy with it.
- Rab: He died soon after it was published, so he did. Pneumonia.
- Fist de Grooke: I didn't know that! Wah!
- Janice McCann: Rab, that was a cruel thing to say to someone who's grieving you should apologise.
- Clare Pettengill: Wow, you people eat cookies all the time.
- Janice McCann: Yes, they're lovely.
- Clare Pettengill: Is there any interest in nutrition?
- Rab: [Sports bar] It's amazing. What they do, right, is read a book. And then they get together and talk about it.
- Clare Pettengill: [Thinks she's alone] Wah! Nobody wants me! Seven fucking months with no fucking fucking!
- Kenny McLeod: [unwanted kiss] You're a bold lassy aren't ye?
- Pool Girl: I'm a Nurse. I know how to lift people. I could look after you.
- Kenny McLeod: Get to fuck.
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