- Lucifer Morningstar: The last person I opened up to, I hurt. A lot. Let alone I've hurt my own flesh and blood. It's all I seem to be able to do.
- Linda Martin: Maze, how can we be friends? You're a... you're a demon. Lucifer's the Devil. How am I supposed to get over that?
- Mazikeen: He's still the same old Lucifer. You're still Dr. Linda Martin. And I'm still Maze. What's changed?
- Chloe Decker: What's the job?
- Mazikeen: Preschool aide
- Trixie Espinoza: Do you like little kids?
- Mazikeen: I've dealt with filthy screaming humans before. At least these are smaller.
- Lucifer Morningstar: You stalked your father's murderer right before he was killed. That was a terrible move, Detective.
- Linda Martin: You're a demon. He told me. I thought it was a sexual metaphor.
- Mazikeen: Well, you're not wrong there.
- Improv Student: [Improv skit] What's your name?
- Dan Espinoza: [English accent] Lucifer... Morningstar.
- Improv Student: Wait, I'm hitchhiking with the Devil?
- Dan Espinoza: Oh, yes indeed.
- Improv Student: I didn't expect the Devil to be driving around L.A.
- Dan Espinoza: Oh, yes, I live here, actually. I do whatever I want.
- Improv Student: Oh, like what?
- Dan Espinoza: Drink, mostly. And insult people. You ponce.
- [Audience laughs]
- Dan Espinoza: You got a girlfriend?
- Improv Student: Yes.
- Dan Espinoza: Lovely. Can I borrow her?
- Improv Student: But she's the love of my life!
- Dan Espinoza: Perfect. Let's make it a threesome.
- Lucifer Morningstar: [shouts from the audience] That is not me!
- Lucifer Morningstar: Oh, no, no. Not this. Better a snuff movie, a human centipede, clown porn, but not improv!
- Lucifer Morningstar: I think for the sake of the detective, I'm going to take a time-out from my Dans-formation.
- Lucifer Morningstar: [to Dan] People like you. they find you helpful, like duct tape or a trusty socket wrench. I want you to teach me your secret. I want you to show me how to be a tool.
- Lucifer Morningstar: What if I told you I wasn't Lucifer anymore?
- Chloe Decker: What?
- Lucifer Morningstar: I've decided to try and walk a mile in another man's shoes. See the world from a different perspective.
- [Looka at Dan]
- Lucifer Morningstar: I'm going to learn how to Douche. I... may have to rephrase that one.
- Dan Espinoza: [Lucifer is dressed exactly like him] Oh, man, what the hell? Are you here to work, or are you here to play games?
- Lucifer Morningstar: I'll have you know I take the School of Dan quite seriously, even if it does involve skinny-fit jeans.
- Lucifer Morningstar: I get it now. So your boring attire is like camo for the average Joe. Blend in, catch the baddie off guard. Afterwards they'll forget you're even there. That is very clever, Daniel.
- Dan Espinoza: [Goes to approach suspect] Rodney Lam. LAPD. No sudden moves. You're under arrest.
- [No response]
- Dan Espinoza: Rodney?
- Lucifer Morningstar: ...Maybe we blend in so well he doesn't even see us.
- Chloe Decker: If I'm gonna take this guy down, I need my partner. And that's you, Lucifer Morningstar.
- Lucifer Morningstar: You know, I'm still no closer to figuring out your secret.
- Dan Espinoza: Because I don't have a secret.
- Linda Martin: Maze, how can we be friends? You're a demon. Lucifer's the Devil. How am I supposed to get over that?
- Mazikeen: He's still the same old Lucifer. You're still Dr. Linda Martin. And I'm still Maze. What's changed?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Dr. Linda just canceled my session. She won't take my calls. I think I truly scared her off.
- Chloe Decker: Something happened with your shrink?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Yes... and it's all your fault. I mean, you're the one who suggested I open up to her.
- Dan Espinoza: Hey, don't blame yourself. You were just a kid back then.
- Chloe Decker: Yeah, well, I'm not anymore.
- Dan Espinoza: I still don't get it, man. Why the hell are you following me around all of a sudden?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Because I want to learn what it's like to be you, Daniel.
- Dan Espinoza: Oh, man, what the hell? Are you here to work, or are you here to play games?
- Lucifer Morningstar: I'll have you know I take the School of Dan quite seriously, even if it does involve skinny-fit jeans.
- Trixie Espinoza: Do you like little kids?
- Mazikeen: I've dealt with filthy, screaming humans before. At least these are smaller.