Ex Libris: A Quaker Book of Wisdom - Life Lessons in Simplicity, Service, and Common Sense

Picking up "A Quaker Book of Wisdom" came not from an interest in theology, but an interest in history. I'll often stop at Windmist Farm for eggs and meat (and cider donuts in the fall), and I noticed the "Friends Meetinghouse" across the street. After a few years of wondering what this was all about, I finally took on the arduous task of Googling "Friends Meetinghouse", which is when I learned that this is a Quaker house of worship.

In an act of preservation, the author's grandfather outlined stories from four generations of family history and traditions, which are interspersed throughout the book. You might be thinking that there must be some particularly noteworthy people in this family to outline three centuries of family history. Not quite.

"The roll call of ancestors," he wrote, "includes no figures of outstanding importance in history." Rather, he said, what his book did provide was "a record of men and women who lived active, useful lives, and who gave to their communities the best that was in them."

I found this admission to be refreshing as we are constantly exposed to the wunderkinds of the world like Taylor Swift and Nathan Shelley, but what about the "long-haul heroes" of the world that are the backbones of their families and the drivers of their communities? (If you're interested in reading more about this type of person, check out my previous Ex Libris post on Dedicated.)

I also found this intriguing as it's a description of the clients that I am fortunate enough to work with day in and day out. People that are not trying to live as kings and queens, but kind people that value their mobility, value being useful and productive, and value giving back to the people and causes that have supported them.

But back to the Quakers.

What's interesting about the Quaker ceremony is that there are no hymns to sing, no confusion about when you should be kneeling or standing, and no frankincense or myrrh wafted about. Instead, there is a communal silence for about an hour. At the conclusion of the service, attendees raise their bowed heads and shake the hands of those around them. The period of introspective silence followed by the familiar greeting of a handshake represent two pillars of the Quaker belief, reaching within for truth and reaching out to others.

These two pillars can be beneficial for people of any belief. It's my belief that they can be especially useful at times of great transition, like when becoming empty-nesters or heading into retirement.

With less demands for your time and attention, it's important to be diligent about how you allocate these precious, and now plentiful resources, lest they be relegated to sad states of languishing.

How should you go about allocating your newfound time and attention?

"Grandfather Stokes", whose writing much of the book is based on, makes a point in a speech to distinguish between pleasure and happiness.

"To him pleasure was something that could be bought - entertainment, trips to Europe, and other diversions that he considered nonessentials."

It's no secret that strong communities and support systems are the base of a long, enjoyable, and healthy life. But all too often we are more strongly drawn to the shiny objects, the things that bring us pleasure, but not lasting happiness and contentedness. Especially around retirement, there is the impulse and expectation to do something that will make us happy - take the trip, golf, sleep in, etc.

A life of leisure.

Sure, knock yourself out. But as the sparkle subsides and the feeling of monotony sets in, you will quickly realize that these are not the things that will cause you to look back on the final third of your life and say, "this was time well spent."

Following along in the Quaker practices of reaching in to determine what's important to us, what is true to us, and also reaching out to support others are outstanding first steps towards creating a next chapter for yourself.

A next chapter that is geared towards lasting pleasure. Towards living with intention.

This is an enjoyable read for people from any background. I recommend it simply for the fact that it will cause you to pause throughout and ponder about your own life, habits, and how you spend your time.

Side notes:

In addition to the above themes, I also learned that historically, Quakers have been more welcoming than many other communities. They created coed schools as men and women both needed to be educated and literate if they were going to strengthen their communities and live a life of service. They also started schools for Natives and emancipated slaves. Quaker businesspeople eschewed a haggling system and instead focused on producing a quality product or service for one fair price. They gained a reputation as trustworthy people to deal with, which is why their imaged was co-opted for advertising oats.