Wayne Brand Quotes

“Jack was the kind of guy you could take into any situation and he would figure out how to fit in. Wayne, not so much. So they didn't really ever bond."
"You know what we therapists say about people who fit in in every situation?"
"What?"
"They have no inherent genuine personality. They aren't themselves, they are only who they think the current audience expects them to be. Flawed though some of Wayne's actions may seem to you, at the end of the day he sounds like someone who isn't afraid to just be himself, all day, every day. That takes a fairly strong sense of self, to not go against your natural instincts, to not try to make yourself into something you aren't in order to be better liked or more homogenous."
"I never thought about it that way."
"Most people don't. But if you look at some of the truly great minds and artists of our history, they are often people who didn't necessarily fit, who were outside the norm. Some of them had actual disorders, many of the great minds are now presumed to have some level of Asperger's or low-level autistic tendencies, but a lot of them were just left of center."
"Are you saying that Wayne is a secret genius? Do I have a Jobs or Spielberg or something on my hands?"
"Of course not. I'm just saying that fitting in, or caring about fitting in, isn't necessarily in and of itself the world's most desirable trait.”
― Stacey Ballis, Out to Lunch

“Making dinner for Wayne is either the easiest thing or the hardest thing on the planet, depending on how you look at it. After all, Wayne's famous Eleven are neither difficult to procure nor annoying to prepare.
They are just.
So.
Boring.


Roasted chicken
Plain hamburgers
Steak cooked medium
Pork chops
Eggs scrambled dry
Potatoes, preferably fries, chips, baked, or mashed, and not with anything fancy mixed in
Chili, preferably Hormel canned
Green beans
Carrots
Corn
Iceberg lettuce with ranch dressing


That's it. The sum total of what Wayne will put into his maw. He doesn't even eat fricking PIZZA for chrissakes. Not including condiments, limited to ketchup and yellow mustard and Miracle Whip, and any and all forms of baked goods... when it comes to breads and pastries and desserts he has the palate of a gourmand, no loaf goes untouched, no sweet unexplored. It saves him, only slightly, from being a complete food wasteland. And he has no idea that it is strange to everyone that he will eat apple pie and apple cake and apple charlotte and apple brown Betty and apple dumplings and fritters and muffins and doughnuts and crisp and crumble and buckle, but will not eat AN APPLE.”
― Stacey Ballis, Out to Lunch

“Jenna, you are halfway to freedom from Wayne. A few more months and you can hand him back to us, and not have to deal with him anymore. If you launch this business with him, you are locked in, day in and day out, for a minimum of four or five years. And really, can you imagine him really helping at these events? I just see him knocking over ice sculptures, and tipping over cakes, and generally being a bull in the china shop everywhere he goes. A bull on steroids. With an inner ear imbalance. On roller skates."
"Enough, lawdouche, she gets it."
"I know. But again, Wayne is pretty clear that his area here would be identifying and helping land clients, and consulting on thematic details and event brainstorming, and keeping up with all industry aspects of the target market."
"You mean going to movies, reading comics, and playing video games."
"Yep, something like that."
"You can't really be thinking you are going to do this."
"I can be thinking that. And I'm pretty sure that the only opinion I asked you for on this was legal ramifications and financial obligations. I don't really care about your personal opinions."
"Well, that hurts my feelings, because I still care about you on a personal level, and I think this is a huge mistake for you personally."
I wait for my heart to race, for the sweats to start, for my colon to twist itself into a pretzel. And when none of that happens, I look at Brian.
"I think, that being the case, that perhaps you ought to speak to your partners about who might be the best attorney to work with me moving forward."
"You're firing me? Because I care about you?"
"I'm firing you because I need an attorney who is less personally interested in the decisions I make. I'm a big girl, and I have a dad. And clearly, this is no longer a good fit. I'll appreciate a call from the other partners by the end of the week with a plan that I can review."
"Seriously, I feel like you've completely lost your mind!"
"Careful, Brian. At the moment, I'm asking you be removed from my account. However uncomfortable that may be for you with your partners, I assume you would rather that, than having to explain why I'm leaving the firm entirely. And I will be advising Wayne to shift to the same person I am with, obviously, for convenience."
His chiseled jaw snaps shut, and while I can see a dozen retorts on the tip of his tongue, he doesn't speak.
"Thank you. I'll review this further, and will discuss my decision with my new attorney. You'll get formal word from Wayne on his choice soon, I'm sure.”
― Stacey Ballis, Out to Lunch