Anime: Akihabara Dennou-gumi

It was another series with hopes of standing out by mixing a bunch of genres, and another example of how stupid it turns out to be when you think that all it takes is shoveling ideas without planning ahead. It had no idea of what it was trying to be about, jumping from one genre to another without ever utilizing their full potential. Here is what I mean:

- It has cute girls going to high school and doing the usual teenage stuff we see in Slice-of-Life. Looking for romance, fame, learn to cook, clean, dream about the future and the like. But they didn’t really manage to accomplish any of those. None got into a serious romantic relationship or clearly improved at something social.
- It promotes karaoke and pop idols. But none of the girls chased the carrier of a pop idol. And the girl who already was one, remained stale at it.
- It has cute little robots, called Patapi, transforming into busty, fighting chicks that protect the world. People keep talking about them all the time, showing us a proxy battle story like Digimon or Shaman King. But it never gets into fanatic proportions, in order to brainwash us into blindly liking them.
- It has girls transforming into powerful heroines and fighting an evil hidden organization in very repetitive and predictable ways, like in Mahou Shojo series. But it never exploits this aspect, as the battles are short and lame.
- It has numerous sleazy jokes about boobs and old men peeping at panties, like in any Ecchi series. But it never goes too far and mostly repeats the same pattern, thus failing to be interesting for long.
- It has some Drama and Dementia aspects, as some characters have really messed up pasts. But none of these manage to absorb you, since they last too little and are almost abandoned from a point on.
- It has several Mysteries and Metaphysical overtones revolving happiness, God and the Apocalypse. Quotes from the Bible keep popping up. Names and concepts from several mythologies and civilizations keep being used. Goals like world peace, immortality, the evolution of mankind and salvation of the soul are mentioned. But they are all presented in such vague ways that you eventually don’t care about them.
- Episode 22 is dedicated solely into explaining every mystery in just 20 minutes. It’s a huge infodump that makes you more confused than satisfied.
- Robots, Nanomachines, space stations and several more provide a Sci-fi aspect as well. You get a scientific explanation about everything supernatural in the story but they could easily dub it “magic” without much worry.

I admit this mix was very interesting and the story did try to explain everything. But in the end, it was a bunch of irrelevant ideas that went to waste. And then the naked girl rides her mechanical Pegasus and teleports to the pink volcano where the spinning tomato keeps singing about how small the porridge was one second ago. It picks its nose with the tail of a grape and… What? The story sucks? But it has so many interesting ideas! Nothing managed to truly stand out in all this mess and the ending was very disappointing.

The cast didn’t fare any better.
- All characters are stereotypes. You can find the same archetypes in 99% of anime. Just a quirk in behavior, a vague backdrop story, a different hair color and you’re done! None has a strong presence, none matures much and none really has real catharsis in the end.
- The villains outshine the heroines. They had goals, they had a decent story, drama, ideals, a twisted vision of aiding humanity. What did the heroines have? Tits and pink panties. You choose…

Visually wise, things ain’t better.
- Not only the series looked cheap even at the time it was made, but it also has a minimalistic way of depicting objects and people. The colors are generally bright, human figures are drawn with only essential details and everything gives off a feeling of silliness. The only realism you will find in it, are the real photographs of historical events and of medieval drawings the animators scanned in some backgrounds.
- On the good side, there are numerous occasions where the background has interesting artwork (laboratories, space stations) and the characters interact with it in very likable ways. Be on the lookout for the (usually silly) things the characters will be doing with their surroundings.
- About the girls: Really big eyes, really short skirts, really dumb looks. The high school girls look like 10 year-olds, as a cheap way to be moe enough for both male and female viewers. And they wear all those corny big ribbons, fluffy cloths and shiny leathers that most series use as fetishes. There is a lot of focus on their boobs and underwear as constantly presented fan service. Generally, the animators present the girls as male sexual fantasies without ever going too far into spicy territory.
- About the boys: Who cares! This is a girl series! Males like fathers, male students and politicians were used just for more sex jokes or for serious events. The main villains in the story are in fact men; both dreamy males and sinister middle aged dudes. But they will look so generic that you will not care about them.
- About the mecha and the monsters: Pathetic! They are ugly and crudely drawn. The best ones are the Divas and the Valkyries just because they look like sexy female warriors and not because they pack some serious equipment.
- There are lots of stills, repeated transformations and ridiculous deformity that really turns you off during the battles. Facial expressions lack vividness, body movement lacks liveliness. You clearly won’t watch the series for its action or special effects.